In the two years before the spring of my junior year of my colleage, I accomplished not a single thing of practical use. Wholly avoiding wholesome association with the opposite sex, diligence towards my studies, the discipline of my phisical body, and other activities directed towards becoming a capable member of society I intened isolated myself from women, abandoned my studies, and let my flesh fall into ruination. Even so, why is that I ceaselessly labored away, still anticipating that excellent arrangement?

I must inquire of the responsible party. Where is the person responsible?

–

如今，我变成这种模样，但话可要说在前头，我并不是以出生就这幅德行。

It is not that I have always been in this condition.

出生后不久的时候，我反而是纯真无瑕的化身，据说我可爱得有如婴儿时期的光源氏，天真无邪的笑容令故乡的山野充满爱的光芒。反观今天又如何呢？如今我即使笑，脸上也只有梅菲斯特般不祥的笑容。我照着镜子，感到愤怒。为什么你会落得这种下场？这就是对你人生的清算吗？

I was born pure as the driven snow and as charming as the infant Prince Genji; with nary an impure thought in my head, my radiant smile spread the light of love across the hills and valleys of my hometown. I am doubtful whether that is still the case today. Each time that I look in a mirror I fly into a rage, a 大专栏  「四畳半神話大系」sking ‘Why have you become like this? Is this the sum of your current existence?’

大概有人会说：反正你还年轻，人生有无限可能。

There are those who say that I am still young, and that people are things that may yet change.

天底下没有那种蠢事。不可以惯坏年轻人。

How ridiculous.

俗话说“三岁看大”，而我已经二十有一，再过不久，就诞生在这世上将近四分之一个世纪了，事到如今，一个年轻人就算试图改变自己的人格，做些无谓的努力，又能怎样呢？若是勉强扭曲已经变得硬邦邦、屹立在半空中的人格，充其量就是喀嚓一声折断而已。

It is said that the child is the father of the man. And with this year, another one will be added to my twenty, and the end of my splendid quarter-century youth will soon approach. What outcome, then, would further clumsy efforts to change my personality bring about? At this stage, if I attempt to twist something that has already set and hardened, the most I’ll do is break it.

我必须拖着如今在眼前的自己，终了一生。不能对这个事实视而不见。

At this moment, I must pull myself upward into leading a respectable life. I must not avert my eyes from the grim reality that lies before me.

我坚决打算睁大眼睛。

可是，有些惨不忍睹。

And yet, somehow, it is unbearable to look.