悲伤会让人感到孤独。人们在悲伤和失落的时候需要支持，鼓励和允许表达悲伤的需要。然而，并非所有的失落和悲伤都和所爱的人死亡有关，我们甚至可能没有意识到什么样的经历会导致悲伤。像恋爱、童年事件、失去*、健康下降和其他重大创伤等经历都会导致悲伤和痛苦。

过去一年新冠肺炎带来的社会疏远不仅影响了我们的日常生活，也改变了我们哀悼和悲伤的方式，我们不能通过身体上的互动来表达，比如拥抱、抚摸、靠在某人的肩膀上哭泣，我们必须通过社交距离来应对。这场流行病给我们传统的悲伤和哀悼方式带来了前所未有的挑战，许多人不得不适应网络支持和爱，才能在过去一年所面临的失落中幸存下来。一旦流行病结束，这种在线慰问和支持将有可能持续下去。

去年12月，我最喜欢的舅舅史蒂夫突然因心力衰竭去世。让我妈妈最难过的是不能亲自参加她弟弟的葬礼。尽管史蒂夫和我妈妈在年轻时分开住，但他们在长大后仍然关系密切。我妈妈认为如果他不是30年前被我爸爸（她前夫）从*雇来帮忙做生意的话，他们的关系会更好。她还认为，史蒂夫的家人可能仍然对我父亲让他在10年工作中过度劳累怀恨在心。作为幸存的同胞姐姐，我妈妈仍然时不时地感到悲伤，因为这是一个如此突然的死亡，她现在不得不等到下辈子来继续与史蒂夫的缘分。

  至于我自己，在新冠肺炎流行期间，我幼时经历的悲伤和哀痛开始浮现。舅舅去世后，我花了好几天时间反复看他给我和外婆拍的旧照片。小时候我有过不愉快的经历，正因为这些经历，长大后没有意识到悲伤的情绪是对失去的正常和自然反应。舅舅去世后，我和我妈妈一起悲伤的这年，我了解到，每个人都需要一个支持系统，需要在不好的时候表达自己的情绪和反应。有了一个强大的支持系统和一个可以交谈的人，失去亲人的人可以自己自然痊愈，机能恢复正常。当我们通过说话和写作来表达自己的负面想法和感受时，世界变得更清晰了。日记可以是表达我们的挣扎和恐惧的另一个渠道，而不必担心会因此受到评判或惩罚。

新冠流行病期经历的悲痛 （原文）
Title：Griefs in the pandemic
Grief can feel isolating. People need support during grief and loss through encouragement and allowance to express their grief however they need. Not all loss and grief involve the death of a loved one though, and we may not even realize what experiences can cause grief. Experiences like ending a relationship, our childhood events, loss of freedom, declining physical health, and other significant traumas can all lead to periods of grief and mourning. The past year of social distancing from COVID-19 has not only affected our daily lives, but has also changed how we are able to mourn and grieve. Instead of being able to cope through physical interactions, like giving hugs, touching, and crying on someone’s shoulder, we’ve had to cope through a distance. The pandemic has brought unprecedented challenges to our traditional methods of grieving and mourning and many of us have had to adapt to digital support and love to survive the losses we’ve faced this past year. Once the pandemic is over, this trend of online condolences and support will likely continue.
My favorite Uncle, Steve, died suddenly from heart failure this past December. The most upsetting part for my Mom was not being able to attend her youngest brother’s funeral in person. Despite being physically separated in their younger years, Steve and my Mom remained close and had a tight bond as adults. My Mom thinks their relationship would have been better if he hadn’t been recruited by my Dad and her ex-husband from * to help in the business 30 years ago. She also feels that Steve’s family might still hold a grudge over how he was overworked by my father over his 10 years of employment. As the surviving sibling, my Mom still have moments grief now and then and since it was such a sudden death she now has to wait until her next life to tie up the loose-ends that were left in her relationship with Steve (American Psychological Association, 2020, April 7; Woods, 2020, May 8).
As for myself, the grief and mourning that I had experienced as a young child started to resurface during the pandemic. After my Uncle’s death, I spent days repeatedly looking at old photos he had taken for me and my Grandma. I had unpleasant experiences as a child, and because of them I grew up not realizing that sad emotions are normal and natural responses to loss. While grieving with my Mom over Uncle Steve’s death this year, I learned that everybody needs a support system and needs to voice their emotions and reactions during bad times. With a strong support system and someone to talk to, the most bereaved can heal naturally on their own and return to being able to function normally. When we can voice our negative thoughts and feeling both through speaking and writing, the world starts to seem clearer. Journaling can be another outlet to express our struggles and fears without the fear of being judged or punished for them(American Psychological Association, 2020, April 7).
References
American Psychological Association (2020, April 7). Grief and COVID-19: Mourning what we’re missing. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcBTBSrAg-8
Woods, S.B. (2020, May 8). Covid-19 and ambiguous loss: Stress in the face of a pandemic can take the shape of frozen grief. Psychology Today. Retrieved from:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-sickness-and-in-health/202005/covid-19-and-ambiguous-loss
本文作者
Beatrice,香港出生。年少只身去美国学习，美国东伊利诺大学（Eastern Illinois Univeristy)老龄化研究文学硕士。在上海经营过自己设计的服装品牌20年。如今转行从事有关养老培训行业（目标是开办自己品牌的老年日托中心，解决老父母不高兴进养老院，儿女白天上班没有时间照顾的难题）。把国外有关照顾老人痴呆的知识和技术引进国内。非常敬业和有爱心，有持续学习力和创新进取精神。

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