具体说明指涉对象

　　写作学术Paper若能避免空泛的解释，使用专门用语并具体说明指涉对象，就能使Paper更精炼、减少字数，使阅读更流畅。笼统的解释表示作者可能研究不当或过于马虎。以下例句写作有欠具体，要如何修改才能有效地缩短句子，加强语气，并且维持原本句意呢？

 

　　题目Contest Sentence:

　　Assembly line manufacturing,a concept introduced by an American automobile manufacturer in the early 20th century,produced sociological change by creating merchandise cheaply enough to be afforded by the masses.”

　　正确解答Answer:We believe the best revision is…“Assembly line manufacturing,a la Henry Ford in Detroit in 1913,produced sociological change by creating merchandise cheaply enough to be afforded by the masses.”

　　我们相信最佳写法应为“Assembly line manufacturing,a la Henry Ford in Detroit in 1913,produced sociological change by creating merchandise cheaply enough to be afforded by the masses.”

　　This sentence reduces the word count to 23 from 30 just by specifically and succinctly referring to Henry Ford rather than generally describing the circumstances surrounding the auto mogul's great innovation in manufacturing.To do this,a writer had to know of Ford's contribution,or at least know enough about it to be able to search out necessary details.A smattering of knowledge can lead to greater knowledge—and to a more informed academic paper—only if it is acted upon.

　　与其笼统地描述汽车巨子在制造上的伟大发明，只要具体而简洁地写出亨利福特的人名，就可以让句子从30个字减少到23个字。为此，作者必须了解福特的贡献，或至少稍有涉猎，才能观察出必要的细节。具备最起码的Paper写作知识有助学习进一步的知识，以及更有见地的写作学术论文，前提是必须善加利用已具备的知识。

　　The writer knew enough about Ford's manufacturing breakthrough to give a reader some general information about the roots of the assembly line.However,rather than refine the information further,boiling it down from“an American automobile manufacturer”to“Henry Ford,”and reducing“in the early 20th century”to“in 1913,”the writer was satisfied with the wordier explanation.Such misjudgment misserves a reader and generally leads to a lower grade on a paper.

　　作者对福特在制造业突破性的成就略知一二，能大致说明生产线的起源。然而，作者却安于冗赘的解释，未进一步化繁为简，能再精简表述的包括「美国汽车制造商」可简化为「亨利福特」、「20世纪早期」(“in the early 20th century”)可简化为「1913年」(“in 1913”)。作者判断失据，有负读者，通常也会让论文评等大打折扣。

　　The cause of brevity also was helped in this instance by being able to use a shorthand phrase,“a la,”which means“in the manner of.”Such felicity with substitute expressions—sometimes pulled from another language—can help a writer communicate universally,yet succinctly.Other common expressions of this type include“ie,”which means“that is”and“ipso facto,”a Latin expression meaning“by that very fact.”Combined with specific references,such spare phrases can illuminate writing.

　　使用简短词组也能让例句更为精简。有时替换其他语言的惯用语词，例如“a la”，意为「以…方式」，能让措辞得体，有助沟通的简明扼要，又无碍讯息传达。此类表达方式常用的还有拉丁文“i.e.”，表「意即」；“ipso facto”，表「据此」。善用此类的替换词组，加上具体说明指涉对象，可让Paper写作更清晰。